


Attention

by orphan_account



Category: Beast (Band), Korean Pop, Kpop - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-24
Updated: 2011-04-24
Packaged: 2017-10-18 14:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/189877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is it so awful that Kikwang wants all of Junhyung to himself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Attention

**Author's Note:**

> Idk what the fuck this is. It was supposed to be cute and fluffy but the drama just came and slapped me in the face.

Kikwang knows that he’s slow, that it always takes him longer to pick up on the signs but what everyone assumes is that he never does.

Kikwang’s not stupid. He knows what the press of Junhyung’s thigh against his means, knows that Junhyung shouldn’t always be grabbing his hand if it’s just fanservice. He knows why Junhyung always leans his head on Kikwang’s shoulder in the backseat of the van, even if it means slouching in his seat.

And while Kikwang does know what all of this means, what he doesn’t know is if the tight coil in the pit of his stomach likes all of this attention or fears it.

-

It’s just past midnight and they’re still up playing video games even though they haven’t slept more than about twelve hours over the last four days. Of course, knowing they have the next day off makes all the difference. Everyone’s planning to sleep in.

Well, everyone but Kikwang and Hyunseung are playing video games. Hyunseung is replying to fan messages and Kikwang is staring at a ridiculously attractive picture of Junhyung.

It’s a fan taken picture of Junhyung’s profile, which outlines the sharp bridge of his nose, the fullness of his lips, the jut of his jaw. Kikwang has never wanted to lick something so badly in his life.

“What’re you looking at, Kikwang?” Junhyung’s voice asks. Kikwang jumps in his seat, stabbing at his mouse to close the window of tabs he has open on Junhyung.

“Nothing!” Kikwang exclaims, a little too loudly.

Junhyung smirks. “Really? You sound awfully suspicious for it to be nothing.”

“Is Kiki watching porn with all his hyungs right here, in the same room?” Yoseob teases, Cheshire cat grin plastered across his face.

“No!” Kikwang squeaks except that he’s pretty sure he was staring at pictures of Junhyung like they were porn.

Everyone laughs and Junhyung gives his hair a playful ruffle. He collapses in the seat next to Kikwang, far too close for Kikwang’s already heightened heartbeat.

“So what were you looking at?” Junhyung asks again, arm wrapping around the back of the couch.

“I… I was looking for Junhyung’s birthday present,” Kikwang answers, unable to think of anything else even though he already has Junhyung’s birthday present wrapped and hiding underneath his bed.

Junhyung’s eyebrows shoot up into his hair. “Really?

“Really,” Kikwang lies and he feels a bit guilty lying like this but what would Junhyung think if he knew that Kikwang spent most of his time on the computer staring at pictures of him, spent all of their time in dance practise sneaking glances at him, spent the long drives in the van daydreaming about what Junhyung’s lips might feel like.

The smile Junhyung gives him is blinding and Kikwang thinks that maybe his heart stopped for a second there because he feels like he’s dying. “So much thought just for me?”

“Well, that is, Junhyung is my hyung,” Kikwang splutters, his cheeks burning red.

Junhyung just hums, smile softer now, much more pleased and Kikwang’s stomach is doing flip flops because that smile is for him, right?

-

When Kikwang wakes up, he has a crink in his neck and Junhyung’s head resting on his shoulder. Kikwang has to blink several times to be sure that this is actually happening, because Junhyung is never this vulnerable, never lets himself be this open in his affection.

For a moment, Kikwang sits perfectly still, Junhyung’s warm body pressed against his and he thinks that perhaps he can just sit here until Junhyung wakes up. This plan, however, is flawed for the very obvious reason that Dongwoon is standing in front of him with a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Enjoying yourself, Kiki?” he smirks.

“My neck hurts,” Kikwang whispers back, really unsure of what else he can say. Everything feels terribly awkward and he really hopes that Junhyung wakes up before everyone else also sees him practically sleeping in Kikwang’s lap.

“I bet it does,” Dongwoon grins and Kikwang doesn’t quite want to understand what that grin means.

“Help me wake up Junhyung-ah?” he asks instead.

“No, no, Junhyung gets really cranky when we wake him up.”

Kikwang pouts and Dongwoon frowns because even Kikwang knows no one can say no to his pout. “Please, Dongwoonie?”

“Stop abusing your cuteness powers, hyung,” Dongwoon complains, setting his cup of coffee down to rest his hands on his hips.

“But Dongwoonie,” Kikwang pleads, regretting how loud his whine is almost immediately as Junhyung stirs next to him. He groans, shifting upwards to snuggle into the crook of Kikwang’s neck. Dongwoon snickers and Kikwang forgets to breathe as he holds as still as he can. Except that Junhyung’s hot breath is ghosting over his skin and sending goosebumps all over his flesh.

“I think Junhyung really doesn’t want to get up, hyung,” Dongwoon snickers and Kikwang pouts some more because how can this be his life? He doesn’t even know what he wants from Junhyung and he doesn’t know if he can give Junhyung what he wants from him.

Dongwoon sobers up at Kikwang’s desperate expression, raising an assuring hand as he reaches out to gently shake Junhyung. The boy doesn’t stir and Kikwang wonders if he’s going to spend his whole day off stuck in this predicament.

“Junhyung-ah,” Kikwang says, nudging his hyung a little more roughly than Dongwoon. Junhyung’s eyes crack open, ever so slightly, and Kikwang can feel the intense glare fixed on Dongwoon, who hasn’t removed his hand from Junhyung’s shoulder.

“What?” he says, voice laced with more venom than is perhaps necessary. Dongwoon removes his hand immediately, even takes a step back and Kikwang can’t really blame him. Junhyung is terrifying when he’s woken up.

“Hyung,” Kikwang answers instead, because Dongwoon was only helping on Kikwang’s request. “Hyung, you’re sleeping on me.”

This seems to snap Junhyung to attention, as he almost leaps away from Kikwang, sitting upright and tense. He blushes, and Kikwang’s heart aches at how cute it is and Junhyung stutters out an apology. “I’m, I’m so sorry Kikwang.”

Kikwang’s brain is so muddled with how adorable Junhyung looks all flustered and embarrassed that it forgets to censor his own words. “Oh, it’s okay, Junhyung. I didn’t mind.”

Junhyung stares at him with wide eyes and Dongwoon stifles his laughter behind a hand as he quickly grabs his cup of coffee and leaves the room. Except that Kikwang knows he’s lurking right behind the doorway so he can overhear everything because Dongwoon is a shameless dongsaeng.

“Oh,” Junhyung says, voice oddly high-pitched.

“Uh,” Kikwang begins, unable to come up with an excuse for what he’s just said. “Uh. I’m going to go for a jog now. I’ll see you later, hyung.” Kikwang rushes out of the room before Junhyung can say anything in reply.

And just as Kikwang had thought, Dongwoon is snickering beside the door so Kikwang gives him a good shove as he passes. The sound of Dongwoon’s body slamming against the wall is more than satisfying as Kikwang pulls on his shoes and rushes out of their dorm.

-

It’s like they play a game of cat and mouse except that they switch roles every few days, and they pull and push, too afraid to make an actual move but too hopeful to completely let go.

Yoseob keeps telling Kikwang that it’s blatantly obvious how Junhyung feels and Kikwang keeps telling him that he knows, he knows but God, Kikwang doesn’t deserve someone like Junhyung. He doesn’t and if he breaks Junhyung’s heart, Kikwang will never be able to forgive himself.

-

Everyone else is always snickering at Kikwang for fumbling over his words when Junhyung speaks to him and it’s rather unfair that Junhyung can just casually drape his arm around Kikwang’s shoulders and then smirk at Kikwang’s reddening face.

“Is Kiki okay?” Junhyung teases and Dongwoon snickers, like the evil maknae he is.

“Of, of course,” Kikwang assures; feeling just slightly light headed but warm all over. Junhyung’s pressing into Kikwang’s side and oh dear God, that should be illegal right? Junhyung shouldn’t be allowed to just willy nilly make Kikwang’s heart beat a hundred times faster.

“Stop teasing Kikwang, Junhyung and focus,” Doojoon shoots as he strides past the two of them to speak to the manager. Dongwoon is beside himself with laughter and Hyunseung is holding him up but Junhyung just glares at Doojoon and continues to cause Kikwang’s heart to soar and soar and soar.

“Ah, hyung is right,” Kikwang adds but he doesn’t look at Junhyung and Junhyung takes this as what it is: Kikwang’s rather pathetic attempt to seem like he doesn’t want to touch Junhyung forever and just continues.

“ _Hyung_ ,” Junhyung says, “is just freaking out because Yoseob was complaining that he might have a cold. And we both know Yoseob doesn’t have a cold, he just wants to worry Doojoon.”

Kikwang nods, because this makes sense since Yoseob likes to trick everyone; especially Kikwang but that’s nothing to be concerned about at the moment. “But still hyung, shouldn’t we be getting prepared for the performance?”

“We’re in costume, aren’t we? And we know our lines and our choreo, what, or rather _who_ else needs to be prepared?”

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Hyunseung snorts and meets Kikwang’s rather confused look with one of disbelief. “Junhyung, stop trying to ruin him.”

“I’m not trying to ruin anyone.”

“Right,” Dongwoon adds in and Kikwang is just more confused than ever, really.

“Where’s Yoseob?” he asks, instead, trying to steer the conversation into something he actually understands.

“Right here!” Yoseob says as he bounces over to stand next to Dongwoon, who is still looking beyond amused.

Kikwang smiles in relief as he sees his best friend and leaves Junhyung’s side without even realising it to go worry over Yoseob. “Yoseobie is okay, right?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Doojoon was just bothering me a lot earlier,” Yoseob says, smiling cutely, eyes flittering between Kikwang’s face and looking over Kikwang’s shoulder.

“What do you mean bothering?” Kikwang asks, pouting now and Dongwoon gives him an indulgent look. Where does Dongwoon come off, thinking he always knows better than Kikwang?

Kikwang actually has to resist the urge to stick his tongue out at the maknae.

“Oh, you know Kiki,” Yoseob smiles, sly and knowing, waggling his eyebrows for an extra touch.

Kikwang actually feels his ears burning and he smacks Yoseob, a bit pathetically, as he tries to keep his own embarrassment at bay. “Yoseob-ah!”

“What?” Yoseob deadpans. “You’re the one who asked. He thinks I’m so easy, that dumbass.”

“Oh my god, stop talking, stop talking!” Kikwang squeaks and he wants to run and hide in some corner because he may know about these things but he certainly doesn’t want to _talk_ about them!

Dongwoon and Hyunseung are laughing again, doubling over each other as Kikwang hides his face in his hands while Yoseob shamelessly mewls Kikwang’s name, a finger sliding down Kikwang’s muscled chest. And maybe Kikwang’s a little too late at batting away Yoseob’s hand because Junhyung is stalking past them toward the stage and it clicks in Kikwang’s head that he’d just left Junhyung behind, as if he hadn’t mattered at all.

The guilt feels like the hard cement he hit when he was younger, practicing hiphop on the street corners with the older kids. Cold and painful and bruising.

Everyone else doesn’t seem to notice the sudden distance Junhyung’s placed between them and Kikwang hardly has the time to go say something to Junhyung because they’re being told to get ready to go on stage.

He gets pulled along by Dongwoon and Yoseob, who are both grinning and Kikwang just grins and bears it too, because what else is he going to do?

They shuffle around at the entrance to the stage; body’s brushing against each other as they get their order sorted out. Kikwang just let’s Doojoon pull him around until he’s in the right spot, eyes fixed on Junhyung who pays him no attention.

It’s as though someone is slowly squeezing his heart, tightening up his ribs to cage in his lungs further, forcing Kikwang to steer his mind though every possible way Junhyung will tell him that he never cared anyways.

“Jun…” he starts but his voice is too small over the roar of the crowd as they run on stage and his fingers just short of brushing against Junhyung’s.

And Kikwang does what he does best after that; he smiles, eyes disappearing behind crescent moons as he tells himself that he can’t cry, not here, not ever. The show, as they say, must go on.

-

Junhyung stays away from Kikwang for the rest of the night; goofing off after they’re finished their performance with Doojoon, who looks far less stressed out now.

Kikwang lingers behind everyone, eyes still burning, throat raw in a way Kikwang’s never quite experienced before. He doesn’t wait for anyone to notice how quiet he is, since everyone still seems to be on their post-performance rush and just makes his way to their backroom so he can get the makeup off his face and go home.

The worst part, Kikwang thinks, is that he doesn’t quite understand why Junhyung would be so angry. It’s not like Kikwang isn’t his own person and it’s not like he’s with Junhyung anyways. It was a bit of harmless fun, wasn’t it?

What’s he got to be so angry about?

Kikwang feels a bit furious at himself for feeling this way; as if his own heart depends on Junhyung’s already.

“Kikwang! Why’d you rush off already?” Yoseob’s voice exclaims from behind him and Kikwang smiles as convincingly as he can and turns around.

“Just feeling a bit tired, Yoseob-ah,” he replies. “I haven’t been sleeping properly lately.” And he hasn’t, because the second his head hits his pillow, all he can think about is how Junhyung is mere inches away. All he can think about is how nice it would be if Kikwang could just turn around and wrap his arms around Junhyung and fall asleep breathing in the clean, citrusy scent of Junhyung.

“What? Is it all the filming for the drama?” Yoseob asks, already striding over to Kikwang and grabbing his hands with a concerned look on his face.

Kikwang laughs, because he doesn’t do too well with being worried over even though it’s all he ever wants. “No, no. Yoseob shouldn’t be so concerned. I’m fine.”

Tugging his hands out of Yoseob’s, who doesn’t look like he quite believes Kikwang, Kikwang heads out of the room just as Junhyung enters, wide grin on his face as he talks with Doojoon.

The grin doesn't falter, just seems to freeze on Junhyung’s face and Kikwang gives him a meek smile as he leaves because he doesn’t even want to be around Junhyung right now. Doesn't want to feel the ache in his chest that refuses to leave.

-

Kikwang hides everything with smiles and laughter.

And Junhyung still says nothing to Kikwang. Absolutely nothing and the silence is suffocating.

-

They’re playing a different kind of game now. Or rather Junhyung is and Kikwang just wants what they had again, even if it was nothing more than lingering touches and hugs from behind.

He’s taken to sulking in their bedroom, lying in bed with his headphones in as he tells himself that Junhyung doesn’t leave a room when he’s in it _just_ because he’s in it. He must have something to do; something important that he remembers at the sight of Kikwang.

He doesn’t tell anyone but everyone’s noticed; after all how could they not when Junhyung had always been around Kikwang in the past few months. And Kikwang feels like all his worst fears have come true; he had always told Yoseob he wouldn’t know what to do if he hurt Junhyung, if he lost Junhyung.

Now, when it feels like he’s responsible for this mess, Kikwang breathes in Junhyung’s scent through his pillow and cries softly into his own. Because he doesn’t quite understand why Junhyung is so upset and Kikwang never said anything when Junhyung casually leaned into Doojoon or wrapped his arms around Hyunseung even though Kikwang had hurt so bad that he had gone and cried in closets by himself.

It never helped that Junhyung was always the one to find him and whisper what was wrong while Kikwang lied through his teeth.

Kikwang couldn’t understand why he couldn’t have Junhyung the way Junhyung apparently wanted him.

Someone yanks the headphones out of Kikwang’s ears and Kikwang wipes away at tears he hadn’t realised he’d been crying as quickly as he can, eyes simultaneously looking for the source of disruption.

“Doojoon-ah, what’re you doing here?”

“Kikwang,” Doojoon starts, hand already brushing aside Kikwang’s bangs. “Kikwang, you look like shit.”

Kikwang balks at Doojoon’s rather blunt assessment and when Doojoon laughs, Kikwang can’t help but feel a bit more indignant. But he doesn’t manage to say anything and Doojoon is brushing aside any of the remaining tears lingering on his cheeks.

“How can Kiki be so upset all the time, huh? Especially over that moron, Junhyung.”

Kikwang still doesn’t know what to say and stares at Doojoon, unable to comprehend how his hyung is trying to comfort him. He feels a bit more pathetic, a bit more useless and even though a part of him wants to defend Junhyung, wants to take all the blame for himself, Kikwang doesn’t say any of those things to Doojoon. He doesn’t need to appear any more pitiable.

“What are you talking about, hyung?" Kikwang finally manages because he only ever told Yoseob about this so how is it that Doojoon is here trying to make him feel better.

“Come on,” Doojoon says, giving him a pointed look. “Do you think we’re all stupid or something? You’ve been moping around everywhere lately, pretending to smile whenever he’s in the picture. Junhyung’s a great guy and all, but he’s a bit nasty. And for someone who is as perceptive as him, he’s absolute shit at expressing himself.”

Doojoon is in full-on leader mode right now and Kikwang finds it terrible endearing how Doojoon is so concerned and so aware of his group members inner workings.

“I guess…” Kikwang trails, uncertain what else he can say. It’s not as though he doesn’t know Junhyung is incapable of actually verbally expressing himself ever, which was why he always used skinship to get around verbally saying anything but Kikwang, Kikwang screwed that up didn’t he? After all, it must have seemed like he’d ditched Junhyung for Yoseob.

Doojoon seems to read Kikwang like an open book and sighs. “Kikwang, Junhyung being a moron isn’t your fault. Perhaps his behaviour of late _isn’t_ because he’s angry but because he doesn’t know how to apologise for being a dick in the first place?”

“W-what?” Kikwang stutters because it never even occurred to him that maybe Junhyung was embarrassed by how ridiculously jealous he was being. “But…”

“Like I said,” Doojoon goes on, the tone of a wise man never leaving, “Junhyung is an idiot. Also, don’t you worry, Yoseob and Hyunseung are telling Junhyung just how much of a dumbass he is.”

Kikwang thinks that perhaps Doojoon’s smile is a little too pleased, as if Junhyung being yelled at is something he personally takes great pleasure from.

“I…” and Kikwang can’t quite make head or tails of this conversation because Doojoon is petting his hair and smiling sweetly and Kikwang can’t help but smile uncertainly in return to assure Doojoon that he’s been properly comforted.

“Everything will be okay,” Doojoon whispers and Kikwang really lets himself smile this time. He’s a lucky guy, having such a caring hyung. Even if this hyung is a little weird…

-

Despite everything, Kikwang and Junhyung say little to one another. Junhyung is careful about keeping his distance even if Kikwang lets himself slip sometimes. The odd, deliberate brush of his hand against the rapper’s sends his heart singing every time but Junhyung shies away, as though he’d never bothered Kikwang like this before.

And Kikwang finds that while he may have his band mates to go and cry to now, the pain is still just as unbearable. Kikwang doesn’t know how to tell Junhyung that he wants everything to be normal again. It doesn’t even matter that Junhyung was jealous and if he really needs Kikwang to apologise about the flirting, Kikwang’s ready to do that too. He just wants Junhyung back.

It’s as he’s sitting by himself on their balcony, the bitter cold of winter numbing him right through to his bones even under his winter jacket that Junhyung finally breaks.

“Yah! Lee Kikwang, what are you doing sitting in the cold!” Junhyung’s loud, angry voice startles Kikwang, who despite the cold, couldn’t care less about the lack of feeling in his fingers.

“Hyung,” Kikwang stutters, eyes wide with shock as Junhyung grabs him by his upper arm and yanks him up from the stool he’s sitting on.

“Are you stupid?! Do you want to get sick!” Junhyung screams, already pulling him into the apartment.

“Hyung,” Kikwang repeats a little dumbly and Junhyung’s face is contorted into absolute rage, and he’s yelling at Kikwang so fast that Kikwang can’t make out the words anymore. He stares at Junhyung wide-eyed and speechless until Junhyung finally runs out of steam, hands grabbing Kikwang’s and rubbing them warm.

“Where the hell is Doojoon? God, if he saw you sitting out in the cold like some idiot, he’d shove his foot up your ass! And it wouldn’t be undeserved,” he snaps, glaring at Kikwang who can already feel the tears burning at the corners of his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Kikwang whispers, unable to look Junhyung in the eyes. He stares at his bare feet, which are a painful red and the burn from the cold pulses along with his heartbeat.

Whatever poorly expressed worry Junhyung has, quickly washes away as he pulls Kikwang into a hug. “Stupid.”

And Kikwang wants to cry I’m sorry a thousand times into Junhyung’s chest but instead he just clings to Junhyung and let’s himself drown in the drumming of his heartbeat.

Junhyung doesn’t let go, fingers lacing into Kikwang’s hair, thumb rubbing small circles at the base of Kikwang’s neck and Kikwang can’t believe how warm Junhyung is; how Junhyung is so hot that Kikwang forgets the numbing pain in his feet and fingers.

Kikwang wants to tell Junhyung how much he misses him, misses _this_ but Junhyung is already pulling away and all Kikwang can do is wipe away at his tears before Junhyung sees them.

“Don’t scare me like that,” Junhyung whispers, voice worried and soft and Kikwang wants Junhyung all to himself for the rest of their lives so that he can hear Junhyung speak to him so lovingly. “If you get sick, you’ll worry everyone, you know?”

Kikwang nods, drowning, drowning, drowning in Junhyung and Junhyung hasn’t let go of Kikwang’s hands and doesn’t let go as he leads Kikwang to their room. He doesn’t let go as he gets Kikwang out of his coat and he doesn’t let go as he pulls Kikwang into bed and wraps him up in his arms.

Kikwang thinks that maybe everything is okay again; he doesn’t think that perhaps this is just a onetime deal and his heart, fooled into believing the dreams it wants more than anything, lets him fall asleep enveloped in Junhyung.

-

Kikwang wakes up to the emptiness of a cold bed.

He lies in the darkness of their room; arms spread out around him as he lets the tears slide silently down his cheeks. He should have known better.

-

Doojoon practically roasts Junhyung alive when he finally wheedles out what happened from Kikwang and Kikwang doesn’t make eye contact with Junhyung for the rest of the week because the expression on Junhyung’s face eats him up on the inside.

-

Kikwang decides, sitting in the bathtub that he’s just going to tell Junhyung. He’s going to tell Junhyung everything and if, if after that Junhyung wants nothing to do with him, than that will be that.

-

The management team is kind enough to give them Junhyung’s birthday off, even though its days away from Christmas and it’s an excellent time for promotion. Kikwang’s grateful nonetheless, because they’ve planned out a little party for Junhyung and Kikwang’s spent all morning decorating the apartment while Hyunseung and Dongwoon take Junhyung out so that he doesn’t catch on.

Doojoon and Yoseob are out getting the cake, leaving Kikwang all by himself at the dorm. Once he’s satisfied with how the dorm looks, Kikwang goes to unearth his birthday present to Junhyung from under his bed. He’s wrapped it in about four layers of wrapping paper and stuck a pretty blue bow dead center. Kikwang didn’t have to think long to figure out what he wanted to get Junhyung, after all Junhyung only liked so many things and Kikwang knows how much he’s wanted a pair of _Beats by Dre_ headphones.

It’s silly, perhaps, how Kikwang can feel like his chest is going to burst just from the idea of making someone else happy. And he really does hope that Junhyung likes them because Kikwang went to great lengths to get the headphones and even greater lengths to make sure the rest of the band didn’t try to steal his idea.

Kikwang tells himself that it’s okay to feel this giddy and terrified and embarrassed at the same time. It’s okay because even if Kikwang just has Junhyung’s smile, he can survive. Besides, tonight is the night he will tell Junhyung how he feels.

He’s cried enough tears and he’s sick of how his stomach coils at the thought of Junhyung not wanting him.

Hearing the shuffling noise of his bandmates returning, Kikwang gets out of their room and goes out to the living room. Doojoon and Yoseob have just slipped off their shoes when Kikwang’s phone goes off. _Shock_ begins playing and Kikwang fumbles with his phone, brain all too alert about the rappers solo at the beginning of the song.

“Hello?” Kikwang breaths into his phone as he hits the answer button. He’s greeted with Hyunseung’s panicked, whispering voice.

“Kiki, is everything ready? Junhyung is getting suspicious and Dongwoon is an idiot and is going to give everything away!”

“Wah! Doojoon and Yoseob just got back from bringing the cake. You can probably come back now if you want,” Kikwang replies, as Yoseob shoots him worried looks.

“Awesome! We’ll be back in about fifteen. Bye!”

Before Kikwang can reply, the phone line goes dead and Kikwang blinks as he ends the call on his phone as well.

“Everything alright, Kiki?” Doojoon asks, placing the cake into the freezer.

“They’re going to be back in fifteen,” Kikwang tells his hyungs. “Yoseob-ah, go and grab manager-hyung?”

“On it!” Yoseob confirms as he rushes out of their dorm.

Doojoon fixes Kikwang in a calculated stare and walks over to him. “You ready?”

Kikwang lets out a long breath and smiles as convincingly as he can to hide his nervousness. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“You’ll be fine,” Doojoon grins. “And if not, don’t worry, you’ll always have me!”

Kikwang laughs at his hyung who gives him a quick hug before returning to the kitchen to pull out some plates and forks.

Staring at the colourful balloons and streamers he’s set up one last time, Kikwang goes and joins Doojoon in the kitchen to set the food they’d ordered in out. Kikwang doesn’t want to think about what he’s planning to do anymore than necessary.

-

Hyunseung gets to the dorm before Junhyung or Dongwoon and tells everyone to hide quickly and while everyone settles in behind furniture and doors, Kikwang feels his heartbeat escalating rapidly. He hopes Junhyung likes their surprise.

“Yah, Dongwoon, let go of my arm!” they hear Junhyung snap in irritation and just as he enters through the foyer, everyone jumps out and yells, “Surprise!”

Junhyung looks stunned, staring dumbfounded at his bandmates and the decorations. “W-what?”

Yoseob's laughter bubbles over everyone’s and he runs over to Junhyung and gives him a hug. “Happy birthday hyung!”

Junhyung, still a little shocked, manages to croak out a little thanks and Kikwang secretly thinks that his bewildered expression is rather adorable. Kikwang knows there’s a lot of hope simmering up in him but the excitement is contagious and he forgets for a moment that he has to get Junhyung alone for a few minutes before the night is over.

-

Hyunseung is jabbing Kikwang in his side and motioning toward Junhyung’s retreating back. “Go!” he hisses and Kikwang feels his face heating up.

He wants to talk himself out of this but Yoseob is already shoving him off the couch and Kikwang stumbles as he’s forced to follow Junhyung in the general direction of the bathroom. Lingering just a little behind, Kikwang paces as he waits for Junhyung to leave the washroom.

He wonders if the other will be surprised to find him waiting; wonders if he’ll look as thrilled about Kikwang telling him how he feels as he did about all the effort everyone went to for his birthday.

“Uh…,” Junhyung says and Kikwang’s head snaps up as he finds Junhyung standing in the doorway of the washroom. He looks a bit apprehensive and Kikwang can only imagine that he looks like a terrified little school boy.

“Junhyung,” Kikwang says, licking his lips and swallowing, as if his nervousness will be as easy to get rid of as saliva.

“Is everything okay?” Junhyung asks, still as a statue.

“No, I… I wanted to, that is,” Kikwang starts and god, how is he so _horrible_ at this! Junhyung waits, with more patience than Kikwang has ever seen and Kikwang begins anew. “Are you angry with me?”

It wasn’t his intention to ask Junhyung any questions but Kikwang doesn’t know how to just tell him how he feels and be done with it.

Junhyung looks like a deer caught in headlights but he shakes off his fear. “No, no. Why would you think that?”

Kikwang maybe wants to punch Junhyung in the face because he hasn’t put up with the nonsense for the past two months for _this_. “Really?” he snaps. “Because from the way you’ve been acting lately, I’d think that my very existence was a pain to you.”

Junhyung stares at him, the expression of bewilderment returning and he takes a step toward Kikwang. “Kikwang…”

“No! You’re going to fucking listen to me. How can you lead me on for months and then bristle at the very sight of me just because Yoseob was teasing me! It’s not like _I_ was the one who initiated the flirting. I was just concerned about Yoseob and you just, you’ve fucking ignored me for _two_ months!” Kikwang doesn’t know when the tears start spilling out his eyes or when his voice rose so high that the apartment’s gone dead silent as a result.

The expression on Junhyung’s face is something Kikwang’s never seen; he wants to simultaneously storm off and leave him like this and hug him so tight that Junhyung forgets all his nonsense and just lets Kikwang love him. “Kikwang, I – I fucking know I screwed up.”

The admission startles Kikwang who had been expecting more of Junhyung’s hard headedness. “What?”

Kikwang doesn’t understand what Junhyung is saying, doesn’t realise when Junhyung managed to get so close that he can take Kikwang’s face in his hands and set Kikwang on fire.

“I know I over-reacted,” Junhyung whispers. “I know and I, I just didn’t know how to fix it. I didn’t know how to tell you I was sorry. I thought… I thought if I could hurt you so much over something as harmless as that incident, how much would I hurt you if we actually fought? How much would I make you cry?”

Kikwang doesn’t even care anymore that he probably looks hideous, snivelling in front of Junhyung like this and god, how does Junnhyung reduce him to this desperate, needy little boy who just wants Junhyung all to himself. “It doesn’t matter, _it doesn’t matter_. I can’t – I like Junhyung so much that it hurts to breath. It hurts, hyung.”

The crash of Junhyung’s lips against his throws Kikwang off but Junhyung is gripping Kikwang’s face so tightly in his hands that Kikwang couldn’t have fallen had he actually tried. Kikwang feels like he’s being devoured, teeth gnawing at his lips: messy and desperate, and Kikwang thinks that Junhyung tastes like everything he’s ever dreamed of and more.

His own shaking hands grasp at Junhyung’s t-shirt, as Junhyung pulls him closer, arm wrapping around Kikwang’s waist. And Kikwang is losing what little of his breath he had but Junhyung is relentless, tongue sliding over Kikwang’s already swollen lips.

And it’s not until Junhyung has a hand sliding underneath Kikwang’s shirt that Kikwang gasps, heart ready to jump out of his chest. Junhyung’s tongue slides into Kikwang’s mouth and Kikwang is mewling at how his skin scorches underneath Junhyung’s hand, at how his stomach is being flown away by butterflies and he wants this to never end.

But it does as Junhyung breaks the kiss, breathing heavily as he places flittering kisses along Kikwang’s jaw. “Kikwang, Kikwang,” he huffs, hand wrapping around the base of Kikwang’s neck and Kikwang thinks how fucking hot it would be if Junhyung’s fingers were around his cock, if he was scissoring Kikwang open.

Except that Kikwang’s brain conveniently reminds him that they’re standing in front of the bathroom and _everyone_ can probably hear them. Kikwang pushes Junhyung away almost immediately and Junhyung looks confused, hurt and Kikwang is grabbing his hand to assure him that he’s not rejecting him.

“Ah, Junhyung-ah, we’re… everyone’s in the living room. They can probably hear everything…” he trails and Junhyung’s eyes widen in understanding.

“Oh… _Fuck_.”

Kikwang can’t help but laugh and Junhyung joins him as he tugs him closer for a hug. Junhyung’s citrusy scent envelopes Kikwang and he thinks that he could spend the rest of his life in these arms.

**Author's Note:**

> ...uh, I feel like I just denied you guys some porn so perhaps after my exam, which is what I should be studying for right now, rather than writing fic, I will write you some junkwang porn? as a sort of sequel. :D?
> 
> And all comments are appreciated!


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